How to deal with no future – The Zero Point

Do you remember the movie where Tom Hanks is standing at the crossing of two roads that all lead into different directions, until the horizon? Thats the point where Melody and me are finding ourselves quite often. Our little family is constantly returning to this Zero Point where everything is possible in all directions.

Just now for example, we are staying with Melody’s father in Sicily, enjoying a wonderful hospitality in a beautiful area of the world. And at the same time we know that in 4 days we will land on Barcelona airport, get in our car and will have no clue where to go. This is scary, especially as a father who feels responsible for his little family!

At the same time, we have friends like Barbara or Julia who are helping us to investigate places – or Queralt who is offering a space in her home for the first night.

Am I crazy?
Or irresponsible?

4 weeks later …

We have arrived in Barcelona and were invited to Queralts flat, where we could stay for a night. We had really nice talks with her, about the community that we are creating, about our search for a place .. She recommended us some activities during the festa major that was currently taking place in Girona. Her flat was small, and she shared it with an other person. So she couldn’t guest us any longer. There was a moment of panic rising inside me, as we learned that the whole town was full with tourists because of the feast and no place in cheap hotels left.

But Queralt kept coming up with ideas. In the end she asked a friend of hers if he would rent us a room in his flat for a few days – so we stayed there with Alex for 2 nights on his big IKEA sofa, visiting several activities during the big feast of the town. Queralt was really nice, always staying in contact with us and asking if everything worked out and if we need anything.

In the meantime, our friend Barbara had asked Louis, who has got an old house in Pontós, if we could stay there for a while. He said yes, and so went the next day to his house in Pontós, getting a friendly introduction from his friend Xavi, who was living in the house for a while before, and still had some of his belongings there.

Now it’s 3 weeks that we are staying in this old village house with open fire in the kitchen and home cinema in the living room. It’s not really luxury, with the mini toilet and bath outside, and the old windows and doors where the cold air is creeping through huge gaps. The house is strangely built, with open parts to cold rooms. From time to time I am stealing some unused wood from the forest and chopping it in the cellar. Apart from the open fire in the kitchen, we are heating the living room with a gas heater, where we have to open the windows every 3 hours for a good ventilation of oxygen. The moment we stop heating, the temperature is going down instantly. Very bad for the yeast in my new beer, that needs more then 18 degrees..

The other day when we were visiting Barbara and her family during a presentation, she told us that the house owner Lluis is not even a friend of her’s. In fact, she doesn’t know him!
I couldn’t believe it – there are people in the world that open their houses for people they don’t know. Of course we will offer him some money for expenses and so on, but it was very clear that this was not his motivation. I feel such a huge gratitude for this unknown person, that has agreed that we can stay until new year.

And Barbara. And Julia. And Queralt. So much hospitality, so much caring.
When I think about the refugee discussion in my home country, I feel like crying in front of this beautiful people.

Zero point. Again.

We are visiting houses for ourselves and the community, but we don’t find anything that we really like. Too expensive, too new, too old. In the meantime we get headache from the gas heater.

The envisioning exercises and walks are not working out – we simply don’t find a vision that we really like. Continuing the community life, or living on our own? Spain or Italy? Buying or renting?

The monastery project is on hold. The owner doesn’t want to talk about renewal of the rental contract until February. And our group seems not convinced about making a buying offer yet – also there are other alternative places who could be considered as a community base.
I am not sure if I fit in the group with my love for football, beer and meat – and the ignorance against contact improvisation dance, that seems to be the uniting practice there.
Sometimes we think of re-starting our own community, and the next moment we’ve been drawn again into the monastery vortex.

We can’t get clear, we feel insecure and into a big bubble of not knowing. Many thoughts and fears are racing through our minds, making us crazy sometimes and letting us shout at each other.

In december we will go to London, because Melody has a course there, and then we will meet with the big group from the monastery project to talk about our future. Because we had no space to stay, Melody made a call for help to her friends over Facebook. Many were responding, offering their places, and in the end we can stay now in two houses, thanks to Lateefa and Adam, and an unknown family, friends of Mike. We even have another offer, from Lavinia. Again this openness, and help.

Only 3 weeks left until we leave to London. We visit another flat in our area, but we don’t like it either. And the price is high. We post an advert to the Facebook group of Pontós. We get a tipp, again for a house we have already seen. We are not sure about it. We visit an other place. We don’t like it.
Melody wants to stay in Pontós, I am proposing to go to Egypt over the winter, on the Red Sea. She doesn’t like it. We fight again.

Still Zero Point. Still the old house. Time is running short.
We make a walk. We collect wood in the forest and burn it in the kitchen. Low pressure weather is pressing the smoke back into the kitchen. Big clouds of smoke. We have to open all doors and windows. It get’s freezing. Then we sit on the bed in front of the fire and stare into the flames. It feels like adventure, though.

What are we doing in Spain? And where? The more we think and argue about our situation, the more it becomes unbearable. That’s the tricky thing with Zero Point: If you resist against it, if you start worrying for the future and always think different alternatives, you get mad.

I remember times when I was travelling on my own, where everything got quite easy. You have constant inspirations and you have constant opportunities, like signs along the way. When you are in tune with your intuition, you enter a flow of happenings, that leads you.

The future we are worrying for never arrives, and it never arrives in a way how we thought it would be. It’s alway the now, where you get more and more stunned about every coincidence, about the freedom and beauty of life unfolding in front of your eyes.

Mel and me were recapitulating our dream about the community, with different homes for people and families, and creative common activities. Melody and my own dream is very similar, but it seems that we can’t realize it immediately. We have to wait and be patient. Not our biggest strength.

Finally, after the last alternative house option drops away, we are left with only one opportunity in Pontós. It’s the flat we got recommended in the beginning. We visit it and we just take it. We are tired of Zero Point. We visit the agency, we bring some papers, we pay, we sign and get the keys, all within 2 hours.

Now we live in a nice, modern, warm flat in Pontós, right next to the fields and the forest. In the middle of nowhere. Is this the place we want to life? NO. Stop this thought, Gabriel. Relax.

In a way, this magic crossing of opportunities in our life is always there, even when it’s all set up. Just watch the signs, what is happening right NOW? Where are invitations, open doors? Zero Point can be beautiful, and addicting. The question is: do we approach it with curiosity, awareness and gratitude, or with worry? Or as Eckhart Tolle would ask: Is this moment your friend or your enemy?

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